the beginning...

Just a few days ago, I began the most incredible journey of my life…I have taken major risks in my life before - age 18 moved 650+ miles from home to start college without ever having stepped on campus; age 23 moved back to NJ without a job and eventually found my way after many long drawn out arguments with my father about how I needed to do something more than crochet a blanket for my then boyfriend and obsess over calories and most recently age 28: I spontaneously decided it was time to move back to Michigan because of a billboard. Ok, so it was more than just a billboard… it was an opportunity to work for one of the biggest casino organizations in the world…taking that opportunity meant that I was not only coming back to Michigan, but it meant that I was taking the chance to work in the severely economically depressed city of Detroit…it changed me. I became a product of my environment. I became depressed. I became the sort of person that first looked at why I couldn’t do something versus how I could. It wasn’t pretty. Let’s be real, it still isn’t pretty, I have a lot of work to do - packing on 70 lbs was the way I worked through being emotionally high jacked by things outside of my control. But now, I know that that was in my control, the last few years have been exactly what I let them be. Challenging. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely had good times, I learned a lot about other people, and I learned even more about myself. But, it’s also fair to say that I lost myself along the way and now I am taking back control.

I recognized very recently that if I was going to succeed in taking back control and if I was going to succeed in finding happiness, something needed to change. That something? My environment. So, here I am trying to digest the most courageous thing I have ever done. Three days ago, I got on a plane and I moved to Hawaii. I have downsized my life to 10 Staples copy paper boxes, 4 wall paintings, 3 suitcases, 2 Rubbermaid bins and a golf bag…I can’t even put into words what I am feeling…excitement and numbness all at once. I can’t say that I even feel scared or nervous, just waiting for it to hit me I suppose. But the more time I spend here, the more I am convinced that fear isn’t even going to be a part of the equation as I settle in.

During the last few days I have had to say countless goodbyes to so many people that are special to me. Quick, like taking off a band-aid, was my approach. I wish I had taken a little bit more time to let some people know just how important they are to me and to share with them that they have left the kind of imprint on my heart that won’t go away anytime soon. I want to make sure that I get everything out of this experience that I possibly can, because when I see these dear friends again, I want them to see sincere happiness in my eyes and I want to be able to tell them that it is because of their love and support that I was able to do this.

Now, as I begin this journey, one thing I want to dedicate myself to, is to logging the lessons I've learned on my way here and also share the ups, the downs, and the change that happens along my way...It's day 3, I've lost 6 lbs, made new friends and ready to experience all that there is with open arms...